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Colin's personal testimony...

Are you feeling lonely? Are you in a time of depression? Are you sad in your life? I've been there. I know what it feels like. It is probably one of the most terrible feelings in the world. You feel so helpless, don't you? I know I did...It got so bad that I just wanted to escape. I didn't enjoy life anymore. I didn't eat very much, because I just didn't have the desire. I didn't want to do anything but just pity myself. I'll reflect back to my youth. 

It all started when I was a boy in Junior High School... I was constantly picked on by everyone because I was much smaller than the other kids. I wasn't as well-built as many of the other kids, and so they began to tease me and tell me many, many unkind and even down right nasty things. Sometimes, I would become so discouraged that I would actually cry myself to sleep. As the time in Junior High School progressed, my self-image grew worse. I was actually viewing myself as many of those mean kids viewed me. 

For instance, some would say: "You'll never be a success in life!" or "HA! You don't have any friends!" or "You couldn't get a girlfriend even if you tried!". Well, as these kids were repeating these things over and over to me throughout the months and years, I really began to believe that I wouldn't have any friends, or that I wouldn't be a success. I became more and more depressed. I often had thoughts of suicide. In order to get my mind off of being depressed, I began to get heavily involved with computer hacking and such. Not only was I getting involved with hacking, but I was getting into dungeons and dragons and role-playing games as well.

I would try to hide myself in a "fantasy world" where I could control things. This then grew into dabblings with the Occult and the New Age movement. I was doing this to satisfy a tremendous void in my life. I had gone to church a few times when I was younger. I had grown up in a Christian home. This time, however, I was depressed and grew angry at God for why I was born the way I was. I wanted to rebel against God because I felt He didn't care. He just let these guys bring me down. I felt upset and hurt. 

When I was born, I was born several weeks pre-mature. Many systems in my body were underdeveloped, and my heart had a defective valve that was open when it should have been closed. It was thought that I wouldn't survive past the first few hours/days. But my family did not give up hope, and they began to pray for me. Finally, just when they thought all hope was lost, God interceeded in my life. God healed me. My heart problem was no more! Praise the Name of Jesus! The doctors were stunned and mystified. Nobody could understand how my heart valve had closed on its own. While the doctors were scratching their heads, my parents were praising God for His miraculous power in my life! 

But the story doesn't stop here. At the age of 16, when I was in Europe, I had become heavily engrossed in the New Age movement. I had begun to meditate, and draw on "cosmic energies" for power. From the outside, everything seemed OK with me. I was impressing all my new-found "friends" with my "wise thoughts" and interest in Far Eastern culture. People would even comment on how "mature and learned" I was for my age. That made me feel very proud. I was respected. That's what I wanted--or atleast I thought. It felt good to be noticed. But, deep down inside, I was even more depressed than ever. I didn't know where to turn. In my heart, I KNEW that it was all wrong. I knew that I was sinning against the God that I truly loved deep down inside. But, I was afraid. I was afraid that God wouldn't accept me anymore. I was afraid God was angry with what I had done. 

Well, a few weeks had passed. It was August 24th, 1992 when the Lord Jesus Christ became very, VERY real in my life. You see, I was living near Homestead, Florida at that time. Hurricane Andrew came roaring through our house with such fury that I was literally afraid that I was going to die. I was truly afraid for my life. I had tried numerous times to meditate and practice some of those New Age ideas. After they failed, I became frantic and desperate. Finally, I cried out to Jesus. I cried "Lord God, If you really truly exsist, please spare me from this storm!". Almost instantly, a great peace came over my heart. I KNEW that God had answered my cry. And, in perhaps the greatest miracle of all, God put his hand of protection over my bedroom. Because, after it was all over, and the storm had passed, NOT ONE SINGLE THING in my room was turned over. NOT ONE WINDOW in my room was broken. It was as if the hurricane had never even existed. See, what makes this so very, very special is the fact that both of my windows were never even boarded up. And to top it all off, these windows were FACING THE DIRECTION OF THE STORM! Praise the Name of Jesus! My room was spared, in the midst of all the devastation. 

That is the real power of God's grace and His mercy. Praise His Name! Jesus is a deliverer of those who want deliverence. This is why I know Jesus's power is real. Jesus's power can be real to you as well! The first steps are confessing your sins, asking His forgiveness, and inviting Him into your heart to live in your life. The most important step of all, however, is truly BELIEVING in Him and what He has done for you. If you truly believe on Him, and call out to Him, you will be saved! I wish that I could tell you all it was all a bed of roses from then on, but if I told you that, I would be lying... You see, after all those wonderful things happened in 1992, I began to get involved in the Full Gospel movement. 

Unfortunately, it was a part of the movement that was a very shallow one. People were preaching one thing, and doing another. People would "play church" and than live a "double life" outside of the church. Others would claim that they were more "favored" of God than others. They would than use this idea to condemn others in the church because they would consider themselves "above" the other church members. And still others would say, "Well, praise God! If you don't have the gift of tongues, than you simply cannot be a member here. Why don't you go somewhere else!". After I heard that, I was devastated and horrified. I couldn't believe the kinds of things that were being said. So, I became very sad and angry. I was mainly angry because many people were glorifying themselves instead of glorifying God. I did go to church in the beginning, but slowly, it all fell apart. 

Slowly, very slowly, I began to read my Bible less and less. Soon, I just didn't have the desire to serve the Lord that I once had. By the time 1995 had rolled around, I was depressed once again. I was fed up with "playing church". I started "bad-mouthing" the Full Gospel movement, and the pentacostal church in general. I was angry with what had happened to me in the church. I was angry that people were putting themselves up instead of putting God up. I became bitter. I threw myself yet another "pity party". I had drifted off into a "second wind" of the New Age movement once again. Except this time, the devil deceived me even more than the first time. Instead of drawing energy from "cosmic forces", the teaching was that "Anyone can become their own God". Now THIS was dangerous. And it seemed that no one was playing this time around. So, with the bitterness I had in my heart towards the church, I "bought the devil's lie" for a season. I thought I could "do things better MY way". 

Well, as it turned out, my life grew even more difficult than it did in any other point in its' history. I became involved in a relationship that was twisted and distorted. This relationship ultimately wanted me to choose between her or my family. The woman was not a follower of Jesus. At this point, I suspected it was just another of the devil's traps. But, before I could even begin to suspect that, a good friend helped me see that the Full Gospel movement isn't all bad. He began to explain that churches are kind of like the used car business. If one dealer sells you a lemon, you should mark him off on your list and go to another dealer. Just because one dealer is corrupt, does NOT mean the entire industry is corrupt. 

It is with that message that I began to re-build my life with God's help. I instantly confessed my sins before God and I asked him to wash me in His Blood. I then asked Him to enter into my heart and life once again and fill me with His Holy Spirit. I renounced all of my dealings with the Occult, and I repented (turned away) of all my sins. As a result, God has been moving in a positive way ever since. Since those trying times, I have gotten involved in a good, solid church that magnifies God instead of man. I met another woman. This time there was NO QUESTION that she was a TRUE follower of Jesus! the most wonderful woman of my dreams and married her. I have been blessed with a tremendous son! I have been studying the Bible, and I have purposed to live a more Christian life.

As a result, I am no longer bitter. I am no longer hurting. I am no longer lonely. I have peace in my heart like I have never had before. My wife and I are indeed happy. Things are better now because I have allowed Jesus Christ to control my heart and life. I am set FREE by the Blood of Jesus and the Grace of God. God has once again saved me from the pit of Hell. Praise the Name of Jesus! Jesus can do the same for you too! 

If you are reading this and saying, "Wow! That sounds kinda like me! But will God really take me back?". Let me tell you dear friend, yes he will! All you have to do is come to Him in prayer and just ask God to give you another chance. God is the giver of second chances, third chances, even 1 billion trillion zillion chances. All you have to do is open your heart to Jesus and allow the Holy Spirit to come into and control your life. Not because you "have to" but rather, because you "want to". Ask Him into your life today! You won't be sorry that you did!

"I will praise thee, O Lord my God, with all my heart: and I will glorify thy name for evermore." (Psalms 86:12)

If you want to find out how to receive Jesus Christ into your heart and life, read on...